It Won’t Happen Again
Higher-ups often ask questions when things go wrong– “Why are you late?” “What happened to all the coffee?” “Why is my dog dead?” I used to feel compelled to answer these questions. “There was traffic.” “You drank it all.” “You don’t know how to take care of anything other than yourself; it’s a wonder your […]
The Porn Ranch, Part II (May Be NSFW)
When last we left our anonymous hero, he was speaking with a man who claimed to provide 45% of the pornography on the internet. I asked him, “So, uh, how many movies can you shoot in your three week schedule?” “About thirty to fifty. Plus the photo shoots.” Maybe we has telling the truth. Sure […]
The Porn Ranch, Part I
When you’re making a low budget movie, you try to save money anywhere you can. Deferred payment for the crew, low-budget SAG contracts, and especially cheap locations. I’ve worked on many a direct-to-video feature, where the “stages” we shot on were actually just warehouses with sound proofing. (Sometimes without the sound proofing; there was one […]
Passive Voice
It’s a great way of diverting blame, but every once in a while, though, the passive voice turns around and bites you on the ass.
Unavoidable Delay
Sorry for the lack of posting today. I had a plan for today’s topic (c.f. yesterday’s “…And then he woke up with a dick in his mouth” comment), but alas, it was not meant to be. Just when I was getting myself mentally prepared to write an epic blog post, I got sent out on […]
Luck
I believe in luck, but not in the way people usually mean it. I don’t believe luck determines whether or not you’ll be successful. I think talent, hard work, and generally being nice to work with makes you successful. It’s in timing where the luck comes in. I knew a kid fresh out of film […]
Sleepy
You work some pretty long hours in the film business. No one works less than twelve hours, while some work as many as sixteen on a daily basis. Throw in a director who doesn’t know how to cover a one page scene before lunch, and you’ve got a week that starts with a 6:00am call […]
Be Prepared
Yesterday, we had a table read (meaning the actors read the script in front of the producers and network executives). The only thing you need to bring to a table read is your script. Guess what the director didn’t bring. Besides his script, I was also told to grab his bag. In his office, he […]
Memo To Anyone Sending in Your Resume
If you’re sending in your resume, please keep the following in mind: Your resume does not need to be six pages long. Steven Spielberg’s is not that long. I used to work for an agency that represented Oscar and Emmy winners, and no one’s resume was more than a page. If you just graduated from […]
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Yesterday, the writers’ assistant asked me if I wanted to be a production coordinator. The question puzzled me. Who actually wants to be a coordinator? I can’t imagine anyone stepping off the bus in L.A., and thinking to themselves, “I can’t wait to coordinate some productions!” I know some people roll off the turnip truck […]
Naming Names
I was walking down the hall at the studio, yesterday (as is my wont to do), when one of our producer/writers came out of the bathroom just as I passed it. We did that awkward thing where you’re walking at the same speed to the same place, without actually walking together. Feeling the need to […]
On Screen
(First, I’d like to point you to an amusing post on Amanda’s website, about how soon you forget what it’s like to be young and poor.) In most offices, there are enough binders to create a replica of Stonehenge entirely from supplies purchased at Staples. My boss keeps copies of everything– every script, every draft […]