Blame Arbitration
I remember a director trying to give a pep talk at the beginning of a shoot. It’s going to be a great film, we have a great cast, great blah blah blah. Then he gets to the part about how this film will be great for all of our careers. Pretty standard, until he says, […]
Do Your Own Job
The people in charge don’t have any idea what’s going on. They hire people like me, so they don’t have to know. That’s why it really burns my toast when my boss tells me how things are run. Just today, our additional 2nd AD (not to be confused with the 2nd 2nd AD, which is […]
The Hardest Part
(It’s the waiting, for all you non-Tom Petty fans.) Ever walk into a Starbucks, and the line is short, and you think to yourself, “Yes! I’ll get my coffee before the end of the decade,” and then the guy in front of you whips out a scroll as long as your arm, like he’s about […]
Crazy People
(I’ve told this story before, elsewhere, but I had a long weekend, so those of you who know me are getting a rerun.) I spent a day driving around with a dude who was convinced that he could prove he was the reincarnation of a samurai. Said dude, by the way, was black. The way […]
Small Talk
I just had a bizarre conversation in the office kitchen. I was making some coffee, and someone came in to grab a pop. (Yes, “pop.” Look at the drink. Do you see bubbles popping, or sodaing? You bake with soda, you drink pop.) Anyway, the conversation went like this– Me: “How’s it going?” Him: “Pretty […]
I Told You Already
Do you ever get this from your boss– “Did you do the this-and-that?” “This is the first I’ve heard about it.” “I told you to do it, already!” It’s surprising how often this happens. Now, I know I have a bad memory, but realistically, which is more likely? You told me to do something and […]
Awkward…
Some people are shy. Actors, generally, are not. A certain actor, let’s call him “Mick Molte,” would regularly show up on set wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with the crotch worn through. And when I write, “nothing but,” I’m including underwear. (I must admit that I didn’t witness this […]
Do You Just Get Dumber As You Get Older, Or What?
It is an immutable fact of nature that everyone is smarter than their boss. Sure, there are exceptions, but not everyone can be Mr. Alley. I remember when Google Maps first unveiled its satellite view. I entered the address where I was working, then called my boss over. “Hey, look. That’s our office!” My boss […]
It’s Called “Television,” Not “Teleolfaction”
The other day, one of our actresses was so sick that she needed to be driven to the doctor. By this, I mean she had a minor fever and wasn’t feeling very hungry. I’m pretty sure my mom would have made me go to school with those symptoms, but when it’s an actress, the producers […]
First Person Singular
Department heads often speak of themselves as if they are the entire department. I ACed for a DP once who was continually saying things like, “I’m going to put the crane over there,” or “I’m gonna set the camera here.” No, you’re not. You’re going to tell the grips and ACs, and they’ll do it. […]
Late Night Tours
PAs are often in the office (or on the set) before anyone else, and they’re the last ones to leave. It’s fun, because the inmates are in charge of the asylum, at least for a little while. One of my favorite things to do at those times is to walk around the set. It’s a […]
“Hey… Guy!”
His name isn’t “Guy,” is it?