How Many Members of a Particular Demographic Group Does It Take to Perform a Specified Task?
A finite number. One to perform the task, and several others to behave in a manner stereotypical of the group in question. I love these jokes. How many grips does it take to change a light bulb? That’s an electric’s job. How many script supervisors does it take to change a light bulb? You can’t […]
Killing the Joke
Here’s a classic joke, told on film sets around the world, that I absolutely love. A producer, a director, and a DP are scouting locations. As they’re wandering around, one of them spots a lamp. Naturally, they decide to rub it, and, just as naturally, a genie pops out. The genie says, “Since there are […]
The Most Egregious Example of Journalistic Hyperbole, Ever in the History of Writing Things Down
I like Nikki Finke’s webpage. It had some of the most honest, reliable reporting available during the writers’ strike. She’s frequently informative and interesting, but she really needs to get a little perspective. Take her latest headline: URGENT! Warner’s ‘Watchmen’ In Legal Peril “Urgent”? Nay, “URGENT!” Really? The Watchmen are in danger! Light up the […]
Luck
I believe in luck, but not in the way people usually mean it. I don’t believe luck determines whether or not you’ll be successful. I think talent, hard work, and generally being nice to work with makes you successful. It’s in timing where the luck comes in. I knew a kid fresh out of film […]
Falling Behind
Today, I saw a teenager wearing a t-shirt bearing the phrase, “Class of 2012,” a year reserved, until recently, for science fiction. For some reason, he wasn’t shooting robots with a phaser while riding a dewback on his way to Thunderdome. (By the way, I watched a documentary called Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Did you […]
Not That Glamorous
I ran into one of the writers in the office kitchen. I asked how it was going, and he said, “Oh, you know, we’re trapped in that room for hours.” “Working hard?” I ask. “Not really,” he says, honestly. “We’re just sitting in there, talking about stories.” “Man, I wish I had your job.” Then, […]
Be Prepared
Yesterday, we had a table read (meaning the actors read the script in front of the producers and network executives). The only thing you need to bring to a table read is your script. Guess what the director didn’t bring. Besides his script, I was also told to grab his bag. In his office, he […]
Ah, My Younger Days…
Writing yesterday about my film school pilot, I thought about our terrible professors for the first time in years. They were all pretty old, and set in their ways. They wouldn’t let us do anything unusual, like, oh, say, move the camera in the shot. They drained every ounce of originality from the production. Like […]
Learning Experiences
In film school, I worked on a sitcom pilot for the campus TV station. It was for a class, so if you wanted to be either the director, the writer, or the producer, you had to interview with the professors. They made three highly questionable choices. There were a lot of funny people on our […]
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Yesterday, the writers’ assistant asked me if I wanted to be a production coordinator. The question puzzled me. Who actually wants to be a coordinator? I can’t imagine anyone stepping off the bus in L.A., and thinking to themselves, “I can’t wait to coordinate some productions!” I know some people roll off the turnip truck […]
Naming Names
I was walking down the hall at the studio, yesterday (as is my wont to do), when one of our producer/writers came out of the bathroom just as I passed it. We did that awkward thing where you’re walking at the same speed to the same place, without actually walking together. Feeling the need to […]
Sneak Preview
I had a chance to see The Dark Knight last night, at a screening on the Warner Brothers lot. It was for employees, mostly executives and their assistants. Usually when I see movies ahead of time, it’s with LA Weekly or Campus Circle; the crowd is mostly wearing flip flops and t-shirts. Last night was […]