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Don’t Call People “Cunt”

You’d think that would go unsaid, but apparently not.

Xaviar wrote me on Facebook:

Enjoying your site I,m a comedy writer, stand up artist, & have a business which I label as a “Comedy Resource Specialist providing all comedy services. I still have a lot of goals to achieve but I’m at this crossroad where I’m finding that I’m searching for opportunities in the industry and a lot of ppl doing the same and I’m seeing cover letters and the list goes on and on but also I know id blow them away with my work. So what my issue is along with what I’ve achieved and produce it still seems to shadow artists, so I’m stumped at what else I can do to beef up my info aside from I’m absolutely more talented than these fools splashed across the page. You may not even offer advise but I’m going to exercise all potential resources thanks !

I don’t know why, but I felt the need to reply. Maybe it’s because I thought Xaviar was just enthusiastic, and hadn’t taken the time to properly think through his email. Or maybe I just wanted to see what would happen. In any case, I replied–

I don’t know if English is your second language (if so, congrats!), but this is nearly impossible to read.

Okay, a little mean, but seriously, I didn’t know. This is much better written than if I’d tried to write something in French, but I get emails like this from native English speakers all the time.

In any case, I wasn’t going to embarrass the guy by publicly sharing this incoherent email, until he sent me this–

It is and thanks for being an unsatisfactory cunt

That’s just… not okay.

I don’t mean the “cunt” thing (although that’s obviously not okay, either).

I mean, it’s not okay to write an email in anger. It will never help, especially if you’re asking someone for her time and energy on something. If you write someone an email, and get an unsatisfactory response, lashing out isn’t going to change her mind. It’s not going to get a positive reaction. Best case is, she’ll dismiss you forever.

Worst case, she’ll tell her thousands of readers what a dickbag you are, using your own words.

As best I can tell, Xaviar wants to be a comedian, and feels he’s more talented than other comedians out there. Here’s how I might’ve responded, if he’d sent me a polite email about his situation–

The thing is, comedy is largely based in a command of language; most stand-ups are wordsmiths. If you are not completely fluent, and I mean completely, it’s extremely difficult to create jokes.

Comedy is also highly culturally specific. Even speaking the same language, humor doesn’t always carry from one place to another, or one time to another.1

While I’m sure you’re very funny,2 your style of humor may just not be translating (literally and figuratively) to an American English-speaker.

Instead, I’ll just say, Screw you, you misogynist piece of fuck.

* * *

Sorry about the continued lack of Crew Call. Producer Chris is still struggling mightily to overcome the technical difficulties.3

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)

  1. Did you know The Merchant of Venice is supposed to be a comedy?
  2. Not really; I’m just being polite.
  3. That TAPA caused.
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