How to Order Pizza

Ninja Turtles Pizza

Pizza is like sex– it’s best cold, first thing in the morning. Wait, that’s not how that saying goes…

Anyway. No matter how big or small the budget, pizza is one of those things you’re going to find on any set eventually.

Adequate

Pizza is a go-to second meal because it’s cheap, readily available, and most people aren’t going to complain about it.1 It’s also a great choice when you’ve tried every kind of restaurant in the area. (This happens way more quickly than you expect.)

As an office PA, guess whose job it is to order the pizzas? More importantly, guess who’ll have to decide what toppings to get. As the Buddy Bears taught us, no one can agree on what toppings they want.

What to Order

There are a lot of options when it comes to pizza toppings. This can be a bit overwhelming if you’re trying to find the perfect combination to please everybody.

Hey, remember these movies?

What a lot of people do is just say, “Fuck it, I’ll order half cheese, half pepperoni.” If you’re ordering two pizzas, that’s fine. Those might be the most boring choices, but they’re also the least objectionable. The pizza will get eaten.

If, however, you’re ordering, like, twenty pizzas for set, please please please don’t order ten cheese and pepperoni. Again, pizza is the most boring meal option, so don’t make it worse with boring toppings. Instead, get one (or two) of everything. Sure, get a cheese and a pepperoni, but also get one with barbecue chicken (awesome), or mushrooms and olives (gross); get a Hawaiian and a margherita and a supreme. Go nuts.

All the pizzas of the rainbow!

And most importantly, get one with bacon. Everyone says it sounds gross, but I promise you, it’s the pizza that will go first.

The Larger Lesson

This isn’t just about pizza.2 You have to make these kinds of seemingly minor decisions every day.

But they’re not really minor. Imagine, after fourteen hours on set, sneaking off to the crafty table and not only finding a nice, warm pizza, but it’s your favorite flavor, ham and spinach.3 It doesn’t make up for the fact that the director is an indecisive jerk, but it does make you feel like at least someone on the crew cares.

It’s no different than making sure you buy the coordinator’s favorite brand of pen when ordering office supplies, or checking that the coffee counter is stocked with sugars and creamers. The little details help the day go smoothly. Or, at least help a bad day from feeling even worse.

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Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)

  1. Like your mom. Zing!
  2. Well, it was just about pizza, until I started this paragraph.
  3. Also imagine that your favorite toppings are ham and spinach for some reason.
About The Anonymous Production Assistant 595 Articles
Yeah, right, like I'm going to tell you.

2 Comments

    • Oh, absolutely! PA’s should totally get something that sounds disgusting for weirdos like you. 😉

      But seriously, there are people who don’t eat meat for religious, moral, and health reasons. You don’t need to go 50/50, but a reasonable amount of vegetarian options are a good idea.

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