On Your Own
There’s an old PA folktale that was passed down to me. On location in Dupont Circle, a DP finishes explaining a complicated camera set-up and then turns to a PA and says, “Two creams. Three sugars.” The PA scurries away. About half an hour later, the PA returns and promptly hands the DP two of […]
The “Strong” Pot of Coffee
As the “early PA,” I’m the first one in the office each morning. Like the class president of Mrs. Jewls’ class, it’s my job to turn the lights on. (Important job! No one else is capable or qualified!) It also means that I have to brew the first pot of coffee. This has transformed me […]
The Never-Ending Crafty Run
On set, they have a craft service department, whose job it is to make sure that the actors and crew have all the snacks they need to endure a twelve to sixteen hour day without losing their mind and storming off the set. If Karl Marx had ever worked on a film set, he would’ve […]
Political Hires
They exist on every crew. They pop up in nearly any department. Just like Cylons, they look like the rest of us. They may even appear hardworking and good-natured, but make no mistake about it: Most of them are lazy, ineffective, and self-important. On my last show, I counted at least five of them. Always […]
What TV Does Best
Last night, I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother called, “The Wedding Bride.” If you don’t watch the show, that title is probably meaningless to you. It may be meaningless even if you do watch the show. See, “The Wedding Bride” was a throw-away joke from an episode last year, “As Fast […]
Time Lords
When you work in Hollywood, whether in features or TV, your time is not your own. For starters, a normal day is twelve hours. And that’s twelve hours of filming. Several departments (production, make up, locations, transpo) have to come in before call or stay well after wrap. So, half the day gone just working. […]
Intimacy
I was working on a short film this weekend, and we shot an “intimate scene.” Basically, the actress was nude. As is common practice, we kicked out everyone who didn’t absolutely have to be in the room. This was all well and good, but it reminded me of a terrible AD on one of my […]
The Inverse Relationship of Seriousness and Gravity
I met a former Las Vegas police officer, and he told me the following story: We got a call for a suicide. Self-inflicted gunshot to the head. You could see the victim from the front door. He was sitting at the kitchen table, kinda in profile. The entry wound was on his temple. The gun […]
More About Honorifics
Yesterday’s post generated a surprising number of comments, considering I didn’t once mock the PA Bootcamp. Readers proposed several theories regarding the Sir/Mr. dichotomy, but here’s one I didn’t think about until late last night– it’s all Walt Disney’s fault. Back in film school, our stage manager (and my old boss), Herb, was a retired […]
Titles
There’s a curious inconsistency I’ve noticed in the way film industry address each other. No one is ever called “Mr. Spielberg,” or “Ms. Ephron.” It’s “Steve” and “Nora.” Even if you’ve just met the person, you’re instantly on a first-name basis. This is particularly hard to get used to for a polite boy from the […]
Feed Me!
There is always food on set. Always. It took some getting used to, for me. My first day on set ever, the AD told me I should go grab some breakfast before things got hectic. I approached the catering truck sheepishly. I only had five bucks in my pocket, but I wanted to fit in […]
Unemployment
David wrote in about a subject everyone in the industry can relate to. He was making small talk with a clerk at an oil change place, and mentioned that he was out of a job, momentarily– it’s no biggie since the production season is winding down anyway and that I should be able to pick […]