The Anonymous Production Assistant

How to Order Pizza

Ninja Turtles Pizza

Pizza is like sex– it’s best cold, first thing in the morning. Wait, that’s not how that saying goes… Anyway. No matter how big or small the budget, pizza is one of those things you’re going to find on any set eventually. Adequate Pizza is a go-to second meal because it’s cheap, readily available, and […]

No Lunch Break for Office PA’s?

Out to lunch sign

When you work on set, you’re supposed to break for lunch after 6 hours of shooting. Some people break before that, if they got to set particularly early (like the drivers and location manager). Sometimes hair and makeup artists do, too, so they can get the actors camera ready for the first shot after lunch. […]

How to Order Lunch for the Production Office

Chester writes in: I have my first PA gig next week, and I’m super nervous. I wanna come off looking like I know what I’m doing and not an amateur. One of my duties is handling lunch for the days I’m working. How do you go about taking lunch orders? Do you hand out menus […]

Outdoors in L.A.

Wow, people were not pleased by yesterday’s post, where I criticized a fellow PA for getting the lunch order wrong. To be fair to me, this conversation didn’t happen outside my head. Sometimes I write these imagined conversations out on TAPA for your amusement, but clearly I failed in this regard. Takeaways for readers that […]

There Are No “Standard” Toppings

Photo by Kashish Lamba on Unsplash

As an office PA, a good amount of your day is spent dealing with other people’s food. Taking orders, placing orders, picking them up, and most importantly, making sure your order is correct.

Sometimes, You’re Wrong

A couple months ago, I wrote a post about giving yourself extra time to complete tasks: Whenever you’re given something to do, you need to factor in “shit happens.” If you think you can get something done in five minutes, say it’ll take ten. If you think it’ll take an hour to get across town, […]

It’s Always About the Food

On my new show, I’m responsible for [glossary slug=’craft-service’]crafty[/glossary] in the morning, lunch midday, and coffee in the afternoon. If it’s a late night, I’ve got to cover dinner, as well. It sounds menial and tedious, largely because it is. But that doesn’t make it unimportant. As one coordinator told me (many times), “It’s always about […]

Just Because It’s Free…

…doesn’t mean you have to eat it (ALL). I’ve gained twelve pounds on this show. Considering my size, that’s put me over the edge into the “overweight” territory. I’m not someone who obsesses over their weight, but the last thing I need is to be catching heat for being the tubby PA. The PA lifestyle […]

Look Out For Your Fellow PA

PAs should look out for each other. After all, no one else is. The first, most important thing you can do for your fellow PAs is to make sure they are fed. “Why is this a problem?” you might ask. There’s always food around a TV show. True, there’s always snacks in the kitchen, but […]

The Goldilocks Problem

In case you don’t know the story of Goldilocks, it’s a nineteenth century fairy tale about a girl who discovers the home of three porridge-loving bears. She has some of their porridge – a spoonful from each bowl. One is too hot, one is too cold, and one is just right. The story doesn’t say […]

Too Early To Think About Lunch

This week, we had a lot of new crew members starting in the office, so we switched from individual lunch orders to family-style catering. Before the switch, lunch went as follows: I printed out a menu and a spreadsheet with everyone’s name on it. The menu and order form passed around the office like a […]