Author Archives: The Anonymous Production Assistant

Clocking Out

Posted on April 12, 2013 | 4 Comments

Some readers emailed me about my use of the term “clocking out” in yesterday’s post. No, there is no actual clock to punch on my show, or any show I’ve ever been on.

This is all I know about how punch clocks work.

It would be kind of cool, though.

No, nothing cool like that. We actually fill out time cards here in Hollywood. “That just seems really archaic, filling out a time sheet by hand,” you might say.

To which I would respond, “How dare you suggest that Hollywood does something irrationally inefficient!”

Most departments, especially the ones on set, have one person who fills out every department. In grip and electric, this responsibility goes to the best boys, whose experience (and commensurate pay) means they can be trusted with this important task. In the camera department, the fob it off on the most junior loader or camera PA, because the camera department is full of dicks.

In the production office, you’ll fill out your own time card. As noted previously, you have a twelve hour guarantee, and you don’t often go over that, so your time card is mostly a formality. I know PAs who copy their time cards and just write in the new date every week.

I’ve gotten conflicting instructions from payroll accountants on different shows. Some tell you to write out your exact hours, for legal reasons. (If they let you go home an hour early, and you get in a car accident on your way home, you could claim workman’s comp, since the time card reflects you were on the clock at that time.)

Others have told me to fill out the card as if I worked twelve hours, no matter what. The reason is, we don’t have a union, and the network could suddenly decide to not honor the gentleman’s agreement we all have on the twelve hour thing. Personally, I suggest following the latter instructions, even if your accountant tells you to do the former, just in case.

Another thing to keep in mind in the office is lunch. We don’t really get a lunch break. Yes, we get food. (And we get the food, too.) But we’re still expected to sit at our desk, answering calls and stuff. If a run comes up, or some other task needs handling, we office PAs are expected to let their lunch go cold while we take care of it.

So, no lunch break, but California law still requires that the time card says we got lunch. Usually, you just put down a half hour break six hours after call, even if you got lunch fifteen minutes after you walked in the door.

Luckily, most1 coordinators recognize this, and let you go twelve hours after your call, rather than the twelve and a half you’d get if you had a break.

I knew one PA who resented not getting his half hour, and actually added a half hour to the end of every twelve hour day. Again, as I mentioned yesterday, this is just begging for trouble.

No one ever called him out on it, though. He just got an extra two and a half hours of overtime every week for eating lunch at his desk.

…Maybe he was onto something.

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)
  1. Sadly, not all.↩

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Posted in On the Job

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Reporting Overtime

Posted on April 11, 2013 | 3 Comments

Reader Joe called my attention to this article on Deadspin, about a leaked memo to the crew of the X-Games in Brazil. In it, Severn Sandt, senior TV operations person for the X-Games Remote,1 tells the crew to dress appropriately, don’t make fun of the locals (who he all but calls “lazy”), and remember that the budget is tight. Pretty standard stuff.

What makes this memo news worthy is the following passage:

Hourly folks – don’t push the OT. If it’s 9:10, take the 9:00 out – don’t push for 9:30. Heck, maybe you’d like to actually contribute an hour or two of your OT to the cause and take a 7:00 out. Trust me – no one’s going to the bank on this one. If this idea appeals to anyone, we can start an honorary wall of contributors in the office.

Yeahhhhhh… no.

First of all, no one clocks out at 9:10. You clock out at 9:06 or 9:12. Your time card is always in six minute intervals, so it’s easier for the payroll accountant to do the math.2

Setting aside that minor quibble, I actually think the first part of this is a good policy for you, the PA, to adopt. I get out an hour, or even two hours, early, but as an office PA, I’m still paid my guaranteed twelve hours. So, if I go over twelve hours by a few minutes, I don’t begrudge the production; it all evens out in the end.

(Actually, if I go over twelve, it’s usually because I’ve been fucking around on Facebook and Twitter all day, only to realize, fifteen minutes before I’m supposed to go home, that there’s something I have to get done today or else. At that point, it’s really my fault that I’m going into overtime.)

Also keep in mind, every bit of overtime has to be approved by your supervisor (the coordinator or APOC) and the UPM. If your name keeps popping up in the weekly payroll meetings with the accountants, you’re going to look like a dick over, what, three dollars? Not worth it.

That being said, it is rather gauche of Sandt to tell his crew that they have to do this.

Now, I’ve been talking about going ten or fifteen minutes over your usual twelve hours. If you go a half hour, much less the two hours Sandt mentioned, into over time, for God’s sake, report it. As the Deadpsin columnist pointed out, ESPN is worth $40,000,000,000. They don’t need your charity.

Or maybe this is why they’re worth forty billion.

- – -

CORRECTION: This article is not 100% correct. Please read Monday’s post for more information.

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)
  1. Not a title I’ve ever heard before, but non-scripted stuff is weird.↩
  2. Because we use a base-10 number system. This is one of the many problems a base-12 system would solve.↩

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Posted in On the Job

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The Wrong Department

Posted on April 9, 2013 | 2 Comments

Sasha writes:

My first job on a show was in the construction office, which was great in a bunch of ways. As someone who’d like to end up somewhere on the producer/UPM spectrum eventually, I got a really great understanding of how budgeting for that department works, which I think is an area where a lot of UPMs are totally clueless. I do want/need to be in the production office, though.

I’m now being offered more construction office PA positions by other construction coordinators; apparently I’ve built a rep as a great construction PA. I fear not taking the construction stuff because, well, a) I need to pay my bills, and b) wouldn’t I rather work on a David O’Russell movie than not? If I don’t take the job, I risk not getting a production job this season. I have sent out my resume to incoming shows in hopes of landing something in the production office, but no luck so far, although it’s not out of the question until probably mid-April. I don’t want to get pigeon holed as the construction girl.

Also, what do you think about leaving a show early? I think I already know the answer, very frowned upon, but a girl’s gotta get a second opinion!

For the most part, I think you need to take the first job you’re offered. Unless it’s something horrible, like porn.1 As I’ve said before, Don’t turn down a job because you hope you’ll find a better job later.

Most people don’t take the career path they intended. The fact that you’re in demand by somebody is great. Maybe construction isn’t want you intended to do, but you could possibly make a career out of it. Maybe you’ll grow to love it.

That being said, you should make your desire to move into the production office known to your construction coordinator, if the two of you are on a friendly basis. He knows UPMs and production coordinators, and he might hook you up, if not on this show, then perhaps in the future.

Leaving in the middle of a show is generally a bad idea. If an incredible opportunity pops up, talk to your boss. There might be some way to work it out. But even if your he let’s you leave, you will almost certainly never work for that person ever again.

Oh, boy, do I regret doing that.

“THAT’S for employing me for eight years!”

Basically, my advice is to stop asking me questions, but ask the people you work for, instead. :)

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)
  1. Or maybe you want to work in porn, I dunno. Who am I to judge?↩

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Posted in On the Job

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If You Didn’t Get Credit, Does It Still Go On Your Resume?

Posted on April 8, 2013 | 3 Comments

Melissa asks:

A few months ago, I helped a director on his low-budget film for about 4 weeks. It ended up being a huge mistake (he took advantage of my inexperience), and I didn’t receive any credit for it on IMDb. Can I still put it on my resume?

Yes, you can!

An illegal immigrant exercising her second ammendment rights. I'm not sure which side of the political spectrum will get more upset.

Rosita Adelita

It doesn’t matter if you were credited in the film. It sure as hell doesn’t matter if you get credited on IMDb. You worked on it, it goes on your resume.

IMDb has this weird rule that you can’t get credited on something until it’s been released, which means my IMDb page is always somewhere between six months and two years behind. Even if the show has been on the air for six years, if you started in season seven, no Database for your Internet Movie until the premiere.

Don’t trust IMDb to be your resume. Make your own resume. (Or have me make it, whatever.) I advise people to add as many credits as they can, even if you only worked on a show for a day.

Reader Chris suggested adding “(temp)” behind those types of credits, but I think “(day player)” sounds better, and utilizes the lingo (which is always impressive). If you have a mix of long-term and day-playing jobs, put the longer ones higher up, to emphasize you have been fully employed at one time or another.

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Posted in Finding a Job

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Where To Live

Posted on April 4, 2013 | 3 Comments

Nicole writes in:

I am about to relocate to LA after working in film production for 4 years in Austin, TX. I am doing some housing research and had a few questions:

1. Are there any neighborhoods that are more accommodating to working in film? (Convenient drive to studios and production office spaces…)

2. What price range for an apartment can I expect to afford on a PA salary? I know prices for apartments will be much higher than I am used to in Austin. Without going into more detail than you are comfortable with, could you share a monthly salary range I could expect? It would be helpful to know what to expect in “lean” times as well as “times of plenty.”

Los Angeles is the most spread out city in the country. There is no place that is convenient to every studio. I’ve worked in Manhattan Beach and Santa Clarita and everywhere in between.

On the other hand, movies and television are the main reason this city even exists, so it’s hard to find a place that isn’t close to at least one studio.

A lot of younger folks live in the Hollywood or mid-city area, because it’s convenient for partying as well as work. The Valley is quieter, and there are more studios there. It has a reputation for being far from everything, which is ridiculous, since ABC/Disney, NBC/Universal, and Warner Brothers are all in the Valley. Also, it’s cheaper (places like North Hollywood, or even Van Nuys).

The Oracle’s Hollywood Survival Guide has a nice breakdown neighborhood by neighborhood, if you want to splurge on $10.

PAs nowadays get paid anywhere from $500 to $750 per week. “Lean times” means $0. So, save up. You need to be prepared to not work for months on end while still paying rent and buying food.

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Posted in The Industry

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Immigrant Workers

Posted on April 3, 2013 | 1 Comment

Reader Luciana writes:

I’m writing to you from the other side of the world, Buenos Aires, Argentina. (Nowadays mostly known as the country of the new Pope.)

As an experienced media producer, I’m  considering the possibility of going to the US and trying to get a job in the TV/film industry over there, since in my country, the job offerings in the industry are almost non-existent.

So, I wanna ask you two things: first of all, if there is any chance a company would hire a foreign professional… I mean, have you met coworkers from another countries or are they all Americans?

And secondly…do all the jobs involve work permits/legal papers? I mean, is there freelance work who doesn’t require it or something like that? Since getting papers from Argentina is definitely impossible (because you require a job offer, which obviously you are not gonna get from here if no one knows you in the US right?).

You’re in a tough spot. TV industry or otherwise, no one is allowed to work in the United States without the proper permits and visas. It’s not the employers who demand it; it’s the government.

I have worked with foreigners on several shows, but they were almost always department heads. They built their careers outside of America, and were then brought here because their skills were unique and in-demand. As a producer, you might be able to follow this route, although I don’t know how you’d go about looking for work like that.

For most of my readers, who are PAs or otherwise low on the totem pole, there’s a -0% chance you’ll secure a job before coming to America. I’ve already said they’re not going to hire a PA from out-of-state, when there’s thousands of perfectly good PAs right here in Los Angeles. Adding visa complications just makes you an even bigger headache.

The few non-department head foreigners I’ve met all got their visas through other means, either coming here as students and getting a job while still in school, or by marriage.

I recommend OK Cupid.

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Posted in Finding a Job

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My Location

Posted on April 2, 2013 | 4 Comments

You don’t ever want a show filming in your neighborhood, or worse, your own apartment building. You will find out EXACTLY what kind of area you live in.

You see, TV shows don’t have time for nuance and subtlety. They need the audience to understand immediately what kind of location they’re at. If a character is rich, they live in a MANSION. But even that’s not enough. You have to see why he’s rich. If the guy’s an NFL player, his mansion is covered with football memorabilia. It’s not like he can have other interests; no old movie posters on the wall, or, god forbid, a bookshelf.

But I don’t live in a mansion, I live in a shitty apartment in North Hollywood. And a few months ago, a TV series shot in the apartment next to mine. They brought in big lights and a camera crew and some recognizable actors, and it was cool and all.

Until I watched the show. Turns out the guy next door is a serial rapist.

Think about it. This series has access to ALL of Los Angeles. They could film in a run down house, an alleyway, an abandoned factory, basically anywhere, and this TV crew decided my neighbor’s house just screamed “serial rapist.” As soon as the TV viewers see the cops enter this apartment, they’ll be like, “Oh, yeah, that guy’s totally a rapist. Look at his apartment.”

Here’s the worst part– This guy lived here before I did. I checked out the apartment and neighborhood and everything before moving in, and yet somehow missed the obvious rapepartment next door.

One other thing I noticed, watching the show. This is one of those gritty, real police procedural shows, with the shakey camera and a lot of improvved dialogue. As the cops are bantering on their way to arrest the serial rapist, one of them comments on how dirty the pool is. These two actors, they’re in character, they’re thinking like cops  on their way to arrest someone for committing the most horrible crime one human being can do to another, not once, but multiple times, and along the way, this cop notices the pool is dirty.

That is one dirty fucking pool.

Look, I understand that they’re just actors pretending to be cops, but think about the number of people that had to approve that line before it wound up on my TV. The editor, director, producers, network executives, all of these people had to go, “Listen, I know we’re doing a serious episode about an important subject that affects millions of women around the world, but that pool… that pool cannot go unmentioned. I mean, look at it! If the cops walk past it and don’t mention it at all, the audience is going to be like, ‘Wow, did they not see how dirty that pool was? I know they’re hunting a serial rapist, but they should’ve at least noticed. These are the worst cops in the world!’”

I immediately called up my landlord: “You gotta get this pool cleaned, dude. Yes, I know, I’m watching it right now, too, that’s why I’m telling you, it’s a dirty fucking pool. I already live next to Mr. Rapenstein, can we at least have a clean pool?”

In conclusion, does anybody need a new roommate? I’m moving soon.

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Posted in About Me, On the Job

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“Labor of Love”

Posted on April 1, 2013 | Leave a comment

I’m a little late to the party, but I wanted to talk about the Veronica Mars Kickstarter campaign, from the perspective of someone at the bottom.1

On the Scriptnotes podcast, Craig Mazin referred to it as a “labor of love.”

It’s not.

I mean, I’m sure Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell like Veronica Mars. Hell, maybe they do “love” it. But it’s not a labor of love.

I see the contracts of every single actor on the show I work for. I know how much the lead of a show makes; and Kristen Bell has starred in several movies since VM was cancelled. Rob Thomas, likewise, has been the showrunner on many, many shows, which basically means he’s a bazillionaire.

The two of them could easily put up the 4.3 million dollars they’ve raised (so far).2 If it was truly a passion project, they’d put their own money into it. Just ask Mel Gibson.

But rather than risk their own money, hoping to recoup their investment later, they’ve asked you to give them money in exchange for trinkets. Even when they talk about “working for cheap,” every one of the main actors will make more on this film than I will all year. And that’s before residuals.

I’m happy that there’s going to be a Veronica Mars movie. I’m totally going to see it opening weekend.3 But I really wish people would stop feeling sorry bad for actors.

In a not-too-recent commentary on one of his comics, Joel Watson wrote:

It has to be an unbelievable shock going from a professionally unemployed actor to making 10′s of thousands of dollars a week to wondering how you’re going to afford your pool boy’s Lexus payment when essentially not [sic] of the decisions that affect those major life changes are in your control. Hollywood is basically a glorified temp service broadcast to the world.

That’s true. Except it’s even more true for the crew, who never made tens of thousands of dollars in a week (or, in my case, in three months).

Or this Film Critic Hulk piece about celebrity relationships:

EVERY TIME AN ACTOR MAKES A MOVIE IT’S LIKE GOING TO SUMMER CAMP (REALLY, THAT IS THE EXACT FEELING OF BEING ON A MOVIE CREW). SO THINK BACK TO THE SOCIAL DYNAMICS OF SUMMER CAMP… YUP, IT’S LIKE THAT… AND UNLIKE CAMP, IT HAPPENS ALL YEAR, CHANGING EVERY FEW MONTHS. IT’S IMPERMANENCE.

SO THE FIRST THING THIS IMPERTINENCE DOES IS IT MAKES MAINTAINING ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP VERY, VERY DIFFICULT. BOTH THE CONDITIONS OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE WAY THEY UNDERSTAND THEIR RELATIONSHIP CAN CHANGE IN A SECOND. AND THEN CHANGE AGAIN. AND THEN CHANGE YET AGAIN. “HURRAY WE JUST GOT A FLAT IN LONDON! OH, WE’RE NOT GOING TO BE THERE FOR THE NEXT 8 MONTHS? … OKAY.” YOU MAY THINK THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE COMPLAINTS OF THE SUPER-RICH (AND THEY ARE) BUT THINK ABOUT THE STRESS OF THE BASIC EMOTIONAL STUFF AT PLAY. EQUATE IT TO YOUR OWN LIFE. AND IT’S NOT EVEN LIKE ONE PERSON IS TRAVELING AND THE OTHER IS THE “HOMEBASE” SO TO SPEAK. BOTH CELEBRITIES ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING THE ENTIRE MODUS OPERANDI OF THEIR LIVES.4

Again, this is true for everyone on the film set. But the rest of us aren’t being paid hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars.

Imagine having to work on location in another city, while your husband works 16 hours a day between a 90 minute commute. Now imagine you have two kids, one not even in diapers, and further imagine that you don’t have a personal assistant, a business assistant, and a live-in nanny.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t begrudge the actors their pay and perks. I’d love to get paid millions to play pretend. Doing it well is a rare skill, and the law of supply and demand tells us that they’ll be paid a lot. But that compensation puts them at the bottom of my list of people I want to give money to.

* * *

On the subject of above-the-liners, check out the most recent Hollywood Juicer blog post.

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)
  1. That’s what it says on the masthead!↩
  2. It’s possible they’ve squandered their millions, but that’s one more reason not to give them my money and expect some good to come of it.↩
  3. Or at least download it off The Pirate Bay…↩
  4. Yes, he writes in all-caps, all the time. Why? HE’S THE GODDAMN HULK, THAT’S WHY.↩

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Posted in The Industry

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Be A Morning Person

Posted on March 29, 2013 | 1 Comment

The production office is one of the few departments that works in shifts. Because we’re one of the few departments that can, and because we kinda have to. On days when the production is shooting late, you still need to open the doors at around 8:00am. Business needs to be taken care of during business hours.

But the office needs to stay open as long as the crew is shooting. Rather than make the whole office work 29 hours straight, the PA pool is split into early, middle, and late shifts– one PA comes in an hour before call or 8:00am (whichever is earlier); another comes in at call, but usually no later than lunch; and the third comes in an hour or two after call.

Why would someone come in after call time? Well, doing the wrap report, making sides and callsheets, possibly running more scripts takes time. A normal shooting day is twelve hours, plus an hour for lunch. If the wrap PA came in at call, she’d be in overtime before the day wrapped. Producers don’t want to pay overtime.

And that’s precisely why you want to work on the early shift.

Your odds of getting overtime are neigh on zero, but your odds of getting out during daylight hours are better than everyone else. (Especially the middle shift guy1.) And even as the late shift PA, does overtime really matter all that much to you?

I know, I know, no one likes to get up early. Which is an even better reason to volunteer to be the early PA.

Most shows switch the PAs’ start times on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, so nobody gets stuck in one shift too much. By volunteering to be the early PA, you look like a go-getter to the coordinator (always a plus), and you relieve your fellow PAs of the burden of 6:00am calls. 99% of the time, they’ll be happy to never have the first shift ever again.

This is a bit of advice that you can generalize, too. Anything you can do to make yourself stand out (in a positive way) is something you should do. Coordinators tend to remember PAs who never once complain about an early call, who take care of business before they even show up, who work work with everyone to find the best way the office can be run.

Be that PA. Be a morning person.

Yeah, okay, so the Lazurus story isn't Easter, but close enough.

Happy Easter!

Footnotes    (↩ returns to text)
  1. I don’t know how many people click on my links to old posts, but you really should read this one. It’s pretty important.↩

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Posted in On the Job

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A Random Collection of Resume Tips

Posted on March 13, 2013 | 8 Comments

After helping over a hundred people with my resume service, I’ve noticed certain mistakes seem to crop up repeatedly. So, here’s some tips in no particular order:

  • Don’t include “social media proficiency” or something like that under your “skills.” Old people read that as “spends all day on Facebook.” Or possibly Myspace. Because, you know, they’re old.
  • If you have absolutely no professional experience, then it’s okay to include your student films. But don’t only include things where you were the director or producer; you look like a jackass. Include below-the-line positions, too, like grip or even PA. That way, you look like you’re willing to start at the bottom. As soon as you start working in the real world, move these items down on the list, or off altogether.
  • Make sure the name on your email address matches the name on your resume.
  • Don’t use your university’s email. A .edu address makes you look like you’re still in school.
  • A production office is not an office at a production company. A “PA” is not a personal assistant. Make sure your resume accurately reflects the jobs you’ve done.
  • References go in your cover letter, not your resume.

And, once you get the job, here’s a bonus tip from reader Eric:

I found that a wine case with dividers held coffee cups perfectly, even letting me double stack cups.

Man, an office where they buy you coffee and wine? That sounds awesome.

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Posted in Finding a Job

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