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The Porn Ranch, Part II (May Be NSFW)

When last we left our anonymous hero, he was speaking with a man who claimed to provide 45% of the pornography on the internet.

I asked him, “So, uh, how many movies can you shoot in your three week schedule?”

“About thirty to fifty. Plus the photo shoots.” Maybe we has telling the truth.

Sure enough, a couple of weeks later, a PA came running down the hill to me. She was waving me forward, saying, “Come on, come on, you’ve got to see this.”

As we ran up the hill, I heard this rhythmic, high-pitched squealing noise. It sounds familiar, but in the context of the woods, I couldn’t quite place it. Then we come up to the house, and right there on the porch…

There’s a dude fucking a chick in the ass.

Seriously, it was really unexpected.

There weren’t any signs saying “Quiet please, filming in progress,” or PAs trying to steer people away from the closed set. Just a cameraman, two porn stars, lots of anal sex, and a lawn chair.

For the next couple weeks, you’d find porn stars in every nook and cranny of the ranch, doing each others’ nooks and crannies. It was hard to avoid.

We built a set in a garage that was mostly used as a photo studio. I think it was a hospital set, or maybe a morgue. The ranch owner asked us leave it up, so they could film in there. God, I hope it wasn’t a morgue set.

Most disturbing of all, though, was the fact that the guy who owned the place also lived there, with his wife and two daughters.

I met them. One girl was fifteen, the other twelve. They had been doing their homework inside the house on the day I stumbled across the porch poo porn. I sure hope the girls didn’t have to see that.

I heard later on that the owners made no effort to hide the goings on from their children. Their mother was a former porn actress, their father a producer of “erotic films.” It was just a normal fact of life, as far as they were concerned. Which is a healthy attitude to have, I guess. If you’re crazy.

I wonder how often they go to Las Vegas.

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7 Responses

  1. haha. just found your blog (via hollywoodjuicer) and have been reading the archives. i know this ranch. went there on a tech scout last year, every place we went there was someone putting a D in an A. so glad we found a better location. i didn’t want to clean that off my cables.

  2. At the pace I was reading, and given the surroundings in which this took place, I had read it as, “There’s a dude fucking a chicken in the ass.”

    I guess that would have been reeaaaalllllly unexpected.

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