The Anonymous Production Assistant

It’s Not Too New. You’re Too Old.

Today, my boss handed me a spreadsheet where one line had spilled over onto a second page. She told me to cut and paste it onto one page. It took me a moment to realize she meant using scissors and glue. I said to her, “I was born in the eighties. I haven’t physically cut […]

An Earthquake? In Los Angeles? My Stars!

Yes, I survived the earthquake. I was driving at the time, and I didn’t even realize it had happened until my sister called me to ask if I was okay. Jesus, it was a 5.4. The only reason I wouldn’t be okay is that I got distracted picking up the phone because you called to […]

My New Favorite Blog

I tend to find film criticism either insufferably pedantic, ill informed, or both. I prefer to take my criticism with wit and irony. And possibly pedophilia jokes. I recently found David Bordwell’s blog. His name sounded familiar, and after a bit of googling, I realized I’d read his book Film Art Introduction in film school. […]

Be Prepared

Yesterday, we had a table read (meaning the actors read the script in front of the producers and network executives). The only thing you need to bring to a table read is your script. Guess what the director didn’t bring. Besides his script, I was also told to grab his bag. In his office, he […]

Memo To Anyone Sending in Your Resume

If you’re sending in your resume, please keep the following in mind: Your resume does not need to be six pages long. Steven Spielberg’s is not that long. I used to work for an agency that represented Oscar and Emmy winners, and no one’s resume was more than a page. If you just graduated from […]

Ah, My Younger Days…

Writing yesterday about my film school pilot, I thought about our terrible professors for the first time in years. They were all pretty old, and set in their ways. They wouldn’t let us do anything unusual, like, oh, say, move the camera in the shot. They drained every ounce of originality from the production. Like […]

Learning Experiences

In film school, I worked on a sitcom pilot for the campus TV station. It was for a class, so if you wanted to be either the director, the writer, or the producer, you had to interview with the professors. They made three highly questionable choices. There were a lot of funny people on our […]

Weekend Viewing

Unlike most people, I didn’t go to Dark Knight this weekend. I’ve already seen it on a regular screen, and all the Imax screenings were sold out. Instead, I went to Venice beach. (In my excitement to be outside and away from the office, I called up a friend who lives in Hawaii, which is […]

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Yesterday, the writers’ assistant asked me if I wanted to be a production coordinator. The question puzzled me. Who actually wants to be a coordinator? I can’t imagine anyone stepping off the bus in L.A., and thinking to themselves, “I can’t wait to coordinate some productions!” I know some people roll off the turnip truck […]

Naming Names

I was walking down the hall at the studio, yesterday (as is my wont to do), when one of our producer/writers came out of the bathroom just as I passed it.  We did that awkward thing where you’re walking at the same speed to the same place, without actually walking together. Feeling the need to […]

Sneak Preview

I had a chance to see The Dark Knight last night, at a screening on the Warner Brothers lot. It was for employees, mostly executives and their assistants. Usually when I see movies ahead of time, it’s with LA Weekly or Campus Circle; the crowd is mostly wearing flip flops and t-shirts. Last night was […]

On Screen

(First, I’d like to point you to an amusing post on Amanda’s website, about how soon you forget what it’s like to be young and poor.) In most offices, there are enough binders to create a replica of Stonehenge entirely from supplies purchased at Staples. My boss keeps copies of everything– every script, every draft […]