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I Hate New York. (There, I Said It.)

First, a quick update on the tree-killing. Yesterday, we ran 115 copies of the script. By the end of the day, we used 9,869 pages. Or, 1.18 trees.

If it was a cherry tree, I’d feel like George Washington.

Moving on.

I was perusing the LA Metblog, and came across this article, which in turn linked to a poll from Travel & Leisure. Go ahead and take a look at those rankings.

I can accept a lot of them. Our public transit sucks. The cost of living is high. Our skyline is a joke (though with some extenuating circumstances).

Some of the other categories are a mystery. We’re the largest enclave of celebrities, yet we’re number nine in people-watching? We’re number six in attractiveness? I’m sorry, but every pretty girl in Charleston has already moved to LA to become an actress. And we’re the least friendly city?

Bullshit.

No one is less friendly than New Yorkers. No one. I’m not just playing to the stereotype, either.

A couple years ago, I called a luxury restaurant to make reservations for my boss. The concierge simply said, “No,” in this angry tone that implied she couldn’t believe I had the nerve to call for reservations. At a restaurant.

She went on, after a pause long enough to make me wonder if she was going to explain why I couldn’t make reservations: “FIRST of all, we don’t take reservations, and even if we did, we aren’t OPEN on Sunday mornings.” She left the “DUuuuUUH” understood. (Sorry for all the formatting, but it’s hard to express typographically the many degrees of disgust and condescension in her voice.)

I got lost in New York, once, when I was a teenager. I saw a cop standing on the corner, so I asked if he could tell me how to get toDO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING TOUR GUIDE TO YOU?

Somewhere in between those two, some friends and I visited New York. We arrived in Brooklyn around three in the morning. The streets were empty, with about six lanes in either direction. We were going slow, looking for the address, when this guy comes out of nowhere, drives up our butts, and honks. At 3:00am. In a residential neighborhood.

My friend says, “He can’t be honking at me. He must be honking at his own stupid driving.”

We stayed at a friend-of-a-friend’s place. He offered to be our “tour guide,” though he didn’t get up until noon. He showed us the Statue of Liberty… from the Staten Island Ferry.

At one point, while we were in the subway, I idly asked this six-year New Yorker how often they make new subway tunnels. (You know, since the redline has been under construction here for, like, decades.) Very indignantly, he said, “What?! They don’t make new tunnels!”

I stared at him a moment, then asked, “Are you saying they just found them like this?”

New Yorkers move out here and they bitch and moan about how you can’t get good pizza or good bagels, or the water doesn’t taste good outside of New York, and on and on.

If you hate it so much, why don’t you move back to New York? Because we have hot chicks and the beach and movie stars and sunshine nine months out of the year.

More importantly, we have fewer goddamn New Yorkers.

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12 Responses

  1. >>anonymousNYC_AE | February 15, 2010 at 2:55 pm | Reply

    NYC is an amazing city, where you can go from nothing to something; really take hold of the American dream.

    Probably because there’s so much invested in Manhattan. Then again, you can “make it” anywhere in American – in whatever city – depending on your goals. NYC is no exception.

    >>There’s a saying we have… “If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere”.

    If you can make in Detroit you can me it anywhere. You seriously believe that saying?

    >> New Yorkers have a tenacious work ethic, and most won’t stand back and be pushed around. We’ve simply worked too hard, invested too much time into our goals and have too much at stake.

    You mean they have tunnel vision and are careerist. What you wrote can basically be summed up in one word: narcissism. So NYers are narcissistic and after they’re done working and slaving away they go out for drinks and talk about nothing else but themselves and how wonderful and hard working they are. On weekdays they talk about themselves, too.

    >>In my limited experiences I’ve discovered this industry we work in isn’t all that big. My advice to you is to watch who you offend, it will probably come back to haunt you.

    True. The movie industry is small … and elitist … and narrow minded … and caters towards the coasts. Oh, and terrible sensitive when people don’t toe the liberal-line.

  2. Haha this is funny, Because you have never been to Miami. Every time I go to New York I am always struck how nice every one is. I never been to Los Angeles but I am excited to go check it out.

  3. to anonymousNYC_AE:
    I am everything you say a new yorker is and I am NOT AT ALL rude like many of the new yorkers I have met. I say I’m from la when asked and out of nowhere I get insulted. I am told we are the absolute worst…we think we are the best…blah blah blah. Personally, I think nyc is an amazing city, unfortunately the people are not…I truly wish they were it would make your city look better to everyone else.

  4. I keep writing something, then deleting it. You know, I really just feel sorry for you. NYC is an amazing city, where you can go from nothing to something; really take hold of the American dream. There’s a saying we have… “If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere”. New Yorkers have a tenacious work ethic, and most won’t stand back and be pushed around. We’ve simply worked too hard, invested too much time into our goals and have too much at stake. In my limited experiences I’ve discovered this industry we work in isn’t all that big. My advice to you is to watch who you offend, it will probably come back to haunt you.

  5. I have a feeling that if something ever happend I pray to god it does not only he knows. New York will go first.

  6. I can’t stand some parts of New York and some of the people alot has moved here where I live some run there mouth to much not they are no longer welcome here.. 🙂 You don’t treat us with respect we won’t do the same for you. Pizza has to much fat and stuff on it there. It’s dirty in alot of parts. The rudeness. Oh and fake surgey women like CA women sorry alot alot of guys I know like real not barbie ! lol I know some does though.

    1. umm I can’t quite understand what you’re saying – I’m sure there’s a sentence in there somewhere though

  7. i found your blog through this new link/possibly related post thing wordpress is doing…

    i agree with you about new yorkers…and the funniest part is that there really aren’t many TRUE new yorkers–most are from other places (and planets).

    i’m sure you couldn’t get away with behaving like such an animal if you worked in a restaurant in smalltown, usa…so why do it in new york? because you think you’re cool? tres chic? is so urban chic to be snotty to your customers. give me a break. *yawn*

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